Well, here I am 7 months later.
Wondering where did all the time go?
How is it that I am here, in what all the Docs are calling my "new normal"...
sitting in a coffee shop, sipping a coffee (yes, we did break up for awhile post-surgery, but we have reconciled beautifully), thinking about the goodness of God?
I have been silent here for months -- I know, I know.
I've been asked, gently prodded, and chastised about updating the blog.
So -- HERE'S AN UPDATE!! :)
My health is solid. I have way more GOOD days than I do BAD and I am still living with an awareness that God is a God of provision and healing (we just don't always understand what the healing looks like or what it's for). The things I'm "fighting" now are all connected to the mechanics of the surgery itself. All those points of disconnect and reconnect sometimes make themselves "known" -- and trust me, it ain't always pretty!!
I continue to be connected to my gratitude for what is true about my health and my future.
Here's what is true about my silence here on the blog...
it was about something God was asking me to do.
I needed to work out some of the things I was feeling and thinking about these last months - privately.
It's a crazy thought, I know -- in this world where we seem to not be able to get away from everyone's business -- whether we want to know it or not -- to be silent seems wrong somehow.
But I had a very clear sense that I was supposed to "zip my lip" (as my Dad would say) for a season and see what bubbled up.
Sufice it say, LOTS bubbled.
And when you and I are together next -- I'll tell you some of them.
But for now, here's what I know...
The path to MORE...
More faith.
More love.
More understanding.
More compassion.
More LIFE.
frequently runs you smack into suffering.
Rarely, does this path -- to this life you think you're supposed to have --
or even want to have, really...
emerge out of ease and abundance.
Now some make argue with me here -- and that's OK, everybody gets an opinion and yours doesn't have to be mine!
All I know is that while there has been plenty of joy along the way, it has been the struggle and sorrow that has given birth to the very thing I've been longing for:
a belief in THE LOVE that will sustain me for the next season of living.
Here's what else I've learned in the silence of the last couple of months...
There's no lack of opportunity to suffer.
What I lack is the ability to always see it for what it is - an invitation.
There's a man and his father sitting next to me right now and they're both weeping.
Openly, freely -- two men crying together, in public.
Makes me wonder what sorrow are they wrestling with?
What news are they trying to reconcile?
What truth did they think they were going to wake up to today and yet, they weren't able to find it?
What are they being invited to?
I'm going to pray they say "yes" to it.
And you & me too.
