And just a little bit more.

Last weekend I had the priviledge of teaching during the Sunday morning gathering @Fellowship (the Church where Kelly & I both work).
This was my first time "in the pulpit" (even though we don't really have a pulpit and how would you get in one anyway?) since the surgery in October. 
4 weeks earlier, our Senior Pastor had launched a series entitled YOU2.0, which was/is intended to start a dialogue about the ongoing transformation required of a disciple. 
I was to teach about the role of suffering in the shaping of us as disciples.
Hmmmm...
4 months ago, had I been asked, I probably would have said yes, and then done a lot of research and study of what OTHERS had to say about how suffering shapes our lives.
And spoken out of their stories -- after all Tozer, Chambers, Lewis, Elliot, Manning, and Nouwen all have much to say about how struggle, pain, loss, grief, isolation, disappointment -- suffering, can and should shape us as people, followers, friends, and even neighbors.

But in this season of my life - I knew it was my own story that God was asking me to share with the community.  I also felt very clearly that my message might be one that some didn't want to hear...

Suffering is God's Good Gift to His children.

This is something that has proven (over and over) to be true in my own life -- but only in this last run have I embraced it as such.   I have spent my entire Christian life asking God to make me more like Him.  To allow me to see, love, serve, interract with the world like He does. 
And then, when He allows the very thing that made Him, Him -- to come into my life,
the very thing that might make me a little bit more like Him (suffering) -- I run, hide, and resist it. 

This time, last August, He asked me not to,
and for the past 6 months (where has this half a year gone?) I have really tried to stand with Him in my suffering and let it reveal things in me that He would like to change.

Now I know for many, this idea that suffering -- in any of it's forms, not just physical -- could be a gift seems really foreign.  But no matter where you are on the faith deal -- if you're struggling without purpose -- no matter what your pain is caused by -- then this suffering will feel pointless. 
It will feel more like a curse than a gift and I get that.
Actually, for a season I have believed that.
These days though, I'm discovering that there is more of ME to be discovered.
More of ME to be offered as a gift to my family, my friends, the people I work with and live next to.
And that MORE can only be revealed as I suffer.
It's not a question of WHY we suffer (because we all will), but rather HOW we respond.

I'm grateful to be 4 months out from The Whipple.
To have more good days than bad.
To have the energy to be the Wife & Mom I feel called to be.
To be able to stand in front of my church family and declare that God's goodness is revealed in all sorts of crazy, upside down ways.
Sometimes -- often -- thru our suffering.

Blessings,
Suze

PS. If you want to watch or listen to the teaching, here's the link.