Humiliation.

Lots of people have asked me recently what I've been learning thru this "adventure".

Hmmm...

       so much I could say in response to that.

First, but not nearly as important as some of the others...

I'm learning no-one, ever, should take their internal plumbing for granted!! :)

OK, seriously, here's a short list...

I'm learning (important note here -- it's STILL happening) that my strength is not what will get me thru the day.

I'm learning that the vows Kelly and I took nearly 25 years ago, and have worked on every day since, are truly the foundation our entire family stands on.

I'm learning the value of lots of "ings": allowing, inviting, asking, receiving, resting, hoping, trusting, and giving...it back.

I'm learning about LOVE in ways I would never have anticipated in all the years I've been wrestling with my health and following Jesus.

I'm learning what it means to be really grateful and the things and places and feelings that true gratitude opens up inside of me and others.

But mostly, I'm learning about the role of humiliation as we suffer.

Nope, not humility (although I think that's a really important part of one's character)but rather humiliation: 

       Humiliation (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates  

               mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.    

                                                                                                                          websters.com

Not something we would normally embrace and actually, maybe not part of everyone's journey thru suffering or struggle.  But, it's been a HUGE part of mine.  I have, for so long, leaned heavily into myself.  My strength, my energy, my ability to get "it" done (whatever "it" was).  I would rarely, if ever, let anyone see me in what I would call a weak state.  Honest? Always. Vulnerable? Yes, if I was choosing the what, when, and how.  But humiliated?  Never - if I had anything to say about it.  But that's the beauty of being weak and coming back to yourself, you often don't have a say about it.  

And here's something even more glorious: every time I have to lay on my office floor, leave a meeting to race to the bathroom, start weeping in front of strangers, cancel a dinner with friends, or tell the kids "I'm not going to be able to do that"...I have an opportunity to set my pride aside and submit to God, who rescued me all those years ago and is still rescuing me today!

In one of my favorite chapters in one of my favorite books in the Bible, the prophet Isaiah says this about God's son...

   He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
   Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.   

But here's the best part...

 

   Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering...
   the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed. 

So yeah, I've been humiliated some...

But not like when you forget your lines in a play or mess up a project and get caught covering it up.

No, this has been a beautifully, glorious gift that is teaching me more about myself and God Himself.

I would never want you to go thru the shame-filled, embarrassing, "get me out of here" kind of humiliation...but if you have an opportunity to step into a place where, thru your lack, you are drawn closer to the One whose own humiliation brings healing --

embrace it, let it happen, fall deeply into it...

you never know, you might end up being just a little bit more like Him on the other side of it.

Still grateful,

Suze