I know I'm not alone in this -- there were lots of kiddos who couldn't sleep, had a queasy belly, and were basically giddy waiting for the big morning to arrive (I know, I've got 3 of them still in the house!). It was almost too much, this anticipation of what might be under the tree with my name on it. In the morning, my Mom wouldn't let us leave our rooms until she and Dad gave the "all clear". So my brother Rob and I would grab our pillows and lay in the doorways of our rooms, staring across the hall at each other, breathing deeply -- just hoping we wouldn't have to run to the bathroom to "take care of" our excitement! I have no idea what my sister Dawn was doing -- by this time she was a teenager and way too cool to lay in a doorway (she was probably wide awake in her bed!).
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| This is us now. We survived! |
And then...Mom or Dad would call us down the stairs and the sick tummy would be forgotten as I turned the corner and there was the tree with presents stacked underneath it and a stocking to be dumped on the floor.
Wow. What a picture of expectation and reality and the gap that exists between the two.
I had a lot of expectations for this Christmas. That I would be at a certain place in my recovery, that I would feel good enough to have it ALL done by now, that I would have 99.9% of my energy back, that my children would get along for every moment of their break (OK, that one's not true!!)...
But God's been challenging me that there's something for me to learn in this gap between what is and what I'd like it to be. Maybe I'm supposed to be satisfied with what's right in front of me, maybe I'm supposed to demand less of myself, maybe I'm supposed to be willing...to ask, to try, to rest, to start over, to trust.
I know this sounds kooky -- but I can't help saying what a gift this surgery and season of recovery have been -- probably right up there with one of the best gifts ever. I have learned things about myself, my family, and my community that I always hoped were true but now I know are. It has given me such an amazing opportunity to experience God in ways familiar and yet, in this season, brand new. I have had moments when I felt just like that little girl waiting to be called down the stairs for Christmas...wondering what might be waiting for her (sick stomach and all!), and then the relief of knowing that no matter what's around the corner...
Love wins.
Which, I think is the whole message of Christmas.
I hope your celebration is filled with moments - where you get to see for yourself that no matter how big or small the gap between your expectations and realities, there's always LOVE.
For unto us, is born this day...
Suze
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